tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53197501762735079062012-02-05T17:52:14.861-08:00Not-so-newly wed anymore. Still basically clueless.ALPnoreply@blogger.comBlogger2051100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-82789474634021256352012-01-31T20:26:00.000-08:002012-01-31T20:34:53.831-08:00

I've never really given two hoots about Kristen Bell, but after this video I'm pretty sure that we are soul mates.p.s. Want to know more about sloths? This handy informational video has lots of facts.p.p.s. That is a lie

MWKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10978782691517159565noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-41857044173876511412012-01-24T21:10:00.000-08:002012-01-24T21:18:14.952-08:00

It is 9 pm on a Tuesday night. D$ and I are perusing old John Prine videos. You know, like you do. MWK: Wait, that's what Steve Goodman looks like? He looks like such a goober!D$: What you are looking at -that right there - is exactly what it is like to grow up in Nashville. It is an endless supply of people who look like goobers who are incredible fucking musicians. So. Now you know.

MWKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10978782691517159565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-50323627510740596772012-01-18T07:36:00.000-08:002012-01-18T07:40:31.222-08:00

MWK: So is it still actively snowing?D$: What? What would passively snowing look like?MWK (sighing): What I want to know is: is there snow falling from the sky?D$: I don't know where else snow would fall from.pauseMWK (growling): I'm gonna make snow fall from somewhere else.D$: How?MWK: Violently.

MWKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10978782691517159565noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-11980469816763876512012-01-14T07:00:00.000-08:002012-01-14T07:00:05.869-08:00

It turns out that I am total shit in emergencies. Well, to be fair, I did cling to Fester like a boss when he emerged from his carrier screaming and covered in piss.  Despite the fact that I was wearing a very loved shirt and scarf (how fucking dumb was that) I clung to that pee-covered squaller like he was the greased up boy-gnome from The Gnome-mobile.* So that was pretty good. But as the cat

ALPnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-66447044499963448852012-01-12T19:56:00.000-08:002012-01-12T19:56:10.784-08:00

Not even a debilitating cast can stop this one-legged poop machine.  Yes, his cast leg is up on the side of the box.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-86678186875449244862012-01-01T20:39:00.000-08:002012-01-01T20:39:26.685-08:00

The crime: unauthorized base jumping The time: 8 weeks Uncle Fester is home with us. His hind leg is still intact and wrapped in a hefty cast. I wouldn't say he's happy, but he's already asking for head rubs.  Thanks are due to you and the powers of internet kitties everywhere. 

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-6942321364052469162011-12-31T00:01:00.000-08:002011-12-31T00:01:51.283-08:00

Uncle Fester helping D$ with a little plumbing problem we had earlier this week Uncle Fester is at a kitty hospital right now.  We're not sure what happened. We think he tried to jump onto the ledge by our stairs*, missed, and ended up throwing himself down a half story onto the wooden steps.**  That isn't what we thought at first. Last night we came home to a cat that was

ALPnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-65135918519801574072011-12-09T17:22:00.000-08:002011-12-09T17:22:26.454-08:00

My step-mom's cancer is back again with a really scary prognosis Our house closing was delayed again. And again. The move we had scheduled is not going to happen. Brandon Roy is retiring?? Your mom, This Week. YOUR MOM. 

ALPnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-67577099713605374982011-11-30T22:03:00.000-08:002011-11-30T22:03:25.683-08:00

The summer after I turned seventeen I started volunteering once a week at a small, local nonprofit. It was a small house in a park and it served as a day space for homeless folks to get a cup of coffee, take a shower, do some laundry and meet with the Outreach workers who were working to get them into housing. I loved it so much that when school started I successfully petitioned my high school*

ALPnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-15425323593926671112011-11-08T18:32:00.000-08:002011-11-08T18:32:06.162-08:00

We put another offer on a house.  Then they counter-offered and we had to decide what to do about it. I ended the night scrolling through pictures of adoptable dogs on the Internet to calm myself down. Except I did not calm down and I haven't calmed down since. This house is at the top of our budget. Slightly over it, actually. Let's break down the reasons this makes me want to nervous vomit all

ALPnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-9380696208942518542011-11-06T17:56:00.000-08:002011-11-06T17:56:50.163-08:00

When we first started looking for houses one of the first pieces of advice we got was to write a letter to any potential sellers. Really ham it up - tell them that we look forward to raising our children in the house, send a photo of us and the cats, etc. Apparently a friend of ours - who sent a photo of himself and a pretend wife along with his letter - got a house in this manner, despite the

ALPnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-65463071745224233352011-11-01T19:22:00.000-07:002011-11-01T19:22:19.488-07:00

Woodpiles along the street in Portland, Oregon, 1939 Dorotha Lange via the Library of Congress So, remember how I said that D$ and I were going to try and stay still for a while? Yea, turned out to be a total lie. We are house hunting. Have been since July. It's been a process. First we had to have a huge fight about where to look for houses. We are committed to being in the

ALPnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-39224489183059329222011-10-31T21:47:00.000-07:002011-10-31T21:47:01.057-07:00

Y'all, I'm on a business trip. As I type I am sitting in a king-size bed watching cable while browsing the internet. Earlier I used the "fitness center" and then ate dinner on the state's dime. It's fancy times over here. Tomorrow: free raisin bran and dehydrated eggs!

ALPnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-17600205744048820512011-10-24T21:23:00.000-07:002011-10-24T21:23:38.454-07:00

Corgis in costumes. You're welcome.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-16218280838645450222011-10-14T09:39:00.000-07:002011-10-14T09:39:40.643-07:00

I come home horrified and quickly strip off my work pants.  Me (to D$): I need you to do something gross. D$: Okay...what? Me (hurriedly shoving the crotch of my work pants into D$'s face):  Smell these and tell me what you think they smell like. D$, without flinching, puts his face into the crotch of the outstretched pants.  D$: Oh, no... MWK:  RIGHT? But...that is human pee, or cat

ALPnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-22602499353392230592011-10-07T08:33:00.000-07:002011-10-07T10:20:38.849-07:00

I'm gonna go ahead and quote Jezebel and tell you that you're gonna need to be canceling your plans for the rest of the day. You'll be watching Beyonce's new video on repeat and basking in its colored-leotard-high-ponytail-quad-drums dance fest. Get More: Beyoncé, Music, More Music Videos Sigh. I'll have to apologize to my arriving friends for not getting the house clean. They'll understand.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-76578635580901481962011-10-05T21:27:00.000-07:002011-10-05T21:27:56.352-07:00

My womens are visiting this weekend.  I am so excited I could die.  One of them is six months pregnant and the other is getting married in June. I've spent a fair amount of time in the last several months being sad about how I am missing all the good stuff. I don't know what G's favorite pregnancy snack is. I don't know if wedding planning is making L nuts.* I don't even know what they will be

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-40540728200011031612011-10-03T22:00:00.000-07:002011-10-03T22:00:18.598-07:00

I really, really hope that President Barak and First Lady Michelle Obama are as in-love and awesome as they appear in these pictures.  But...what is happening in No. 7?  Sourcing note: The article doesn't include sources but I'm guessing they're all from White House Photographers (except the last one, of course). 

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-54495011832111731422011-09-27T21:07:00.000-07:002011-09-27T21:07:36.498-07:00

Guys, I have a very important question. You know how you read a blog for a long time but never comment because I dunno, you are lazy or shy or a natural born lurker, but then one day you feel the drive to actually comment because you realize that is sorta how the internet community works?  Um. How do you start commenting without coming off like a weirdo? My go-to is to just to write a comment

ALPnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-42177791258255057072011-09-18T15:07:00.000-07:002011-09-18T15:07:34.636-07:00

Deception Pass State Park, by D$ It's been wet and grey here in Portland this weekend, and I am blissful.  Autumn has arrived, bringing me peace.  It drizzled all day yesterday and is drizzling today. Leaves adorn the sidewalks and the air smells fresh. The city is cleaning itself and I am cleansed as well. Saturday morning, awaking to rain, I felt my body and soul sighing in relief. I felt calm

ALPnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-28376183391569260652011-09-12T20:33:00.000-07:002011-09-12T20:33:13.038-07:00

If you're not If you're not If you're not If you're not If you're not getting happier as you get older Than you're fucking up Thanks, Ani.  (Ani DiFranco opened up for John Prine (!!) at the show I saw this weekend. I was never a huge fan but she was awesome. My mom was totally enamoured with her. My Catholic mother-in-law was less thrilled with the song about promiscuity. You win some, you

ALPnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-67837908439639451732011-09-07T21:36:00.000-07:002011-09-07T21:36:33.128-07:00

D$ and I have been together for over six years and married for over two years. Yet, I still have (and regularly wear*) underwear that I distinctly remember other men complimenting. What does this make me? Slutty? Thrifty? A hoarder? *As in: was wearing a pair today and thought of said man, and said encounter, every time I went pee. Which was many times. 

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-28796112991018790072011-08-29T04:00:00.000-07:002011-08-29T04:00:03.366-07:00

You know how some people go on vacation and schedule guest posts from their awesome bloggy friends so that people don't lose interest in their blogs while they are gone? Well. I go on vacation and while on vacation I guest post on other people's blogs while ignoring my own blog just as much as I normally do. It's a special skill I have. I like to call it "doing things backwards." Which is to

ALPnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-39925963354417394032011-08-25T16:29:00.000-07:002011-08-25T16:29:04.651-07:00

I left the office at 1:30 today, concealing neither the shit-eating grin on my face nor the spastic dance of joy I did in front of a co-worker's cubicle. Just now I walked, bra-less, into my kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Glancing at the contents I selected the ice-cold IPA on the second shelf, flicked it open, and took a long swig. What the hell, I said out loud to myself. It's after

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-35953502932163266022011-08-22T21:27:00.000-07:002011-08-22T21:27:22.895-07:00

You remember this guy. Sometimes you have a fun breakfast with your step-mom, you walk the awesome dog, and then throw your mom a surprise 60th birthday party. La di da, family is so nice and everyone is so gosh darn supportive. Other times your 19 year-old niece tells your mother to fuck off via Facebook.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-6610466923052962612011-08-09T20:50:00.000-07:002011-08-09T20:53:52.890-07:00

Let's face it. Every single reader I have has found me through A Practical Wedding. So what I am about to talk about will come as no surprise but I'm gonna say it anyway. Meg is, once again, doing something incredibly ballsy and doing it with a level of competence that baffles the mind. I'm talking about Yay New York! and I'm fucking impressed. She describes it better than me so go to the link

ALPnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-18743241267340392612011-07-29T00:01:00.000-07:002011-07-29T07:30:25.798-07:00

Blind Irish Pirate temporarily lost her mind and asked me to write something for her blog while she is on vacation. I'm over there today talking about this little guy. Check it out.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-78363526682059219032011-07-24T09:59:00.000-07:002011-07-24T09:59:54.995-07:00

So, sorry about the rage-fest in the last post. To make up for it, here is a baby koala. Try to be mad at me now. Image from Zooborns via CuteOverload Is CuteOverload a totally lame website to visit these days? Whatever. I refuse to be shamed out of my love for baby animals.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-6635304698381116902011-07-12T20:03:00.000-07:002011-07-12T20:03:32.209-07:00

It's rant time, y'all. Maybe you have heard of this wedding?* The wedding between a white man and a white woman, in South Africa, that had a "Colonial Africa" theme? The wedding that was raved about on some photography website for how authentic it was and how neat it was that the couple used actual "colonial artifacts." THE WEDDING THAT FEATURED A STAFF OF BLACK SERVANTS DRESSED UP LIKE SOME

ALPnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-73177099699326714102011-07-10T12:26:00.000-07:002011-07-10T12:26:49.507-07:00

Crappy phone photo, Farmers Market Wishing you a cuddly-vegetable kind of week.  If, you know, you're into that kind of thing.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-31902827332165071312011-07-01T11:29:00.000-07:002011-07-01T11:29:25.983-07:00

I called down the Thunder, and now I've got it. This, folks, is what you get when you tell BIP to ask you questions and then call her out for not having done so quickly enough.  Have you ever though about the world being made out of cheese? I think about this all the time, actually. It always brings me around to another equally important question: If you were a hot dog, and you were starving,

ALPnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-49372295994451512182011-06-30T10:55:00.000-07:002011-06-30T10:55:46.253-07:00

You guys were totally easy on me with these questions. Way to make me feel/sound suuuuper boring! Whatcha Readin'? Ahem. You don't really want to know the answer to this. Two summers ago - the summer that D$ and I got married - my sister came up to Portland for the summer "to help with the wedding." Except she wasn't much help because we couldn't get her to stop reading these totally dorky

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-60559449630214922612011-06-28T20:03:00.000-07:002011-06-28T20:03:30.851-07:00

D$ and I mostly use our smart phones to send each other photos of the cats You guys, my brain is empty. I think about y'all often and wonder how you are doing. As I'm falling asleep or driving to work I maybe compose a post in my brain (or a few sentences of a post) but it's gone before I get to a computer. In fact, I've been avoiding computers all together (forgive the lack of comments on your

ALPnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-63429752627561319302011-06-14T21:38:00.000-07:002011-06-14T21:38:18.646-07:00

While D$ and I were cleaning up from dinner tonight I somehow got onto the topic of Anthony Weiner* and what a first-class idiot he turned out to be. I was bemoaning his poor wife - who is clearly awesome and D$ said:                   "Well. I like to think that smart, powerful women don't let themselves be held                     back by the stupid shit their husbands do." Word is bond, yo.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-91636799665909383982011-06-10T17:20:00.000-07:002011-06-10T17:20:29.412-07:00

I had my first therapy session a few hours ago. It was...awkward? Anxiety-ridden, but also not. To be totally honest, it felt like going on a speed date with Carl Jung. I wasn't nervous beforehand (except I found myself wondering "what does one wear to therapy?"). I wasn't nervous as I walked up, but the minute I entered the room I felt jittery. Hyper aware of myself - the sound of my voice, my

ALPnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-5042822357307846122011-06-01T21:33:00.000-07:002011-06-01T21:33:04.035-07:00

Guys. I finally figured out how to have weekends. After our hike D$ and I went out separately with friends. I met up with D$ and his new best-buddy later quite late in the night and let them buy me drinks while they got wasted and happy. The next day D and I lazed around the house and snuggled. The weekend after that I: went on a long walk with my oldest (as in longest-knowing, not as in

ALPnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-69247418467034150852011-05-17T21:18:00.000-07:002011-05-17T21:18:50.691-07:00

Holliday-Cary House, N. College St., Auburn, Lee County, Alabama1939Frances Benjamin Johnston, via Library of Congress "Carnegie Architecture of the South."  This morning when I heard the soothing NPR broadcaster tell me that today was May 17th, a light went off in my brain. May 17th...why is that date ringing a bell? Why is it important? Looking through my old calenders didn't tell me much

ALPnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-20386709096342289042011-05-15T18:36:00.000-07:002011-05-15T18:36:33.193-07:00

This weekend was very, very good.  On Saturday we went on a hike in the Columbia Gorge with other alumni from our college.* We drove to the Gorge with a couple who graduated in the early 70's. They met at our college and have been married ever since. They lived in the Twin Cities for 12 years, then in Wisconsin, and just moved out to Oregon to be nearer their daughter and grandchildren

ALPnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-50828662534175572632011-05-10T21:42:00.000-07:002011-05-10T21:42:11.797-07:00

Things I got done this evening (from the list I scratched on a piece of junk mail right next to last night's to-do list): Made myself something to eat* Walked to the bank (in flip-flops!) Emptied and re-filled the dishwasher Made lunches for tomorrow Shaved my bikini line** (tmi??) Caught up on blog-reading while whitening my teeth Finally started reading nerdy book about Thrones, Games of (

ALPnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-67643698458825719482011-05-03T21:21:00.000-07:002011-05-03T21:21:06.862-07:00

Things are on the up and up around here, with only a few detours sideways or backwards. The night before I left for Vegas we had another big fight, but this one ended better (hint: with both of us in the same bed). In the morning we were fragile but friendly again. Since I got back we've been different. Better. D$ brought me a sandwich when he picked me up from the airport from Vegas. (This is

ALPnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-21671578809845653352011-04-25T20:42:00.000-07:002011-04-25T20:42:43.930-07:00

 Photo by me, from chaise lounge, one hand on mimosa I wouldn't necessarily recommend going to Vegas in the middle of a really stressful time with your husband. I wouldn't necessarily not recommend it, either. That is, as long as you are surrounded by your hilarious, no-nonsense friends who help you understand that getting gussied and letting handsome British men buy you drinks is totally

ALPnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-13301504230577604172011-04-20T06:00:00.000-07:002011-04-20T06:00:13.956-07:00

I'm all about Beautimuse this week (this is her header). I hope Diana Murphy isn't mad.  Yes, D$ and I have had a tough few weeks, but there have also been times when things felt normal. Lest you think our home is a sad-sack factory, I give you this (from the day after a particularly difficult conversation): MWK: The cherry blossoms on X street are gorgeous today! Attaches photo with new fancy

ALPnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-63867915153780941712011-04-18T20:36:00.000-07:002011-04-18T20:36:47.071-07:00

Image: Greens of Summer 2 by Diana Murphy via her blog Beautimuse (also check out Swoond) Years ago my mother bought four 12-inch Boulevard Cypress trees and planted them in the side garden. Now they stretch 15 feet high, reaching out towards the grapes and blueberry bushes and shading the arbor where the hammock swings in summertime. The trees are tall and spindly and their rich green needles

ALPnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-16712870162797772532011-04-11T21:20:00.000-07:002011-04-11T21:20:18.983-07:00

Hi. I am so sorry to write such a dramatic post and then leave you  hanging. D$ and I are doing okay. Last week was really hard. There were more fights and tears but at least SOME of it was productive. I have posts brewing in my head about it. I wasn't able to write because we were busy figuring shit out... ...and then I went to Los Angeles and Las Vegas for 5 days for my sister's 30th

ALPnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-63840664302827974782011-03-25T10:01:00.000-07:002011-03-25T10:01:30.306-07:00

So...things are a little shitty between D$ and I right now. I've been noticing for weeks that something was off. We got in a huge fight about a  month and a half ago that was never really resolved, mostly because we feel fundamentally different about the event that started and the underlying behavioral pattern. Basically: we went to an engagement party where I apparently swore a lot in front of

ALPnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-5177225653070156652011-03-18T08:44:00.000-07:002011-03-18T08:44:57.667-07:00

The meeting went pretty well. I was dead exhausted when I got to work so I pumped myself up by listening to Irish pop punk* (primarily this song).** My hands were shaking during the whole meeting and I relied upon a ridiculous page of notes in order to ensure I completely said my piece, but I did  say my piece. I said it without being aggressive or mean, and I communicated that I also cared

ALPnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-8290931675565370202011-03-16T20:11:00.000-07:002011-03-16T20:11:42.053-07:00

"Test your Strength" by Ben Shahn, via the Library of Congress I set up an 8 a.m. meeting with Young Guy tomorrow to talk about group expectations. I'm scared, but am trying to feel strong and assertive. Here's hoping I'll hit that mallet right out of the park.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-59158008651158089782011-03-11T10:30:00.000-08:002011-03-11T10:30:43.791-08:00

Thank you. Your comments yesterday were a huge help. As I said in the comments it was nice to know that my rage wasn't totally irrational or oversensitive. Of course just being able to write about something always helps and getting it out there (one-sided and overdramatic as it may have been) was verrrry cathartic. I'm doing better now. I took Carrie Dee's advice and focused on the

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-7668181697241566082011-03-09T22:14:00.000-08:002011-03-09T22:14:43.057-08:00

Normally I avoid talking about work on the blog because, well: the internet is scary, I work in the public sector and I would like to keep my job. I also deal with a lot of confidential information. Tonight, it just so happens that I need to vent. I am really struggling with my job right now. The work I am doing is intense in both content and amount but that isn't really the issue. The issue is

ALPnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-32250874850381448812011-03-07T21:25:00.000-08:002011-03-07T21:25:23.529-08:00

So I shot a 9 mm handgun this weekend. WHAT?? I know. Backstory: My good friend Z's step-mother died of breast cancer a few months ago. I've known Z since high school and I know that we share a common attribute: anger as a kneejerk reaction to grief. When I heard the news one of the first sentences out of my mouth was (after the requisite condolences) was, "Well...wanna so shoot some shit?"

ALPnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-59189249125226629302011-03-04T10:01:00.000-08:002011-03-04T10:01:24.581-08:00

I said that I would stop apologizing for not posting (even though I should be apologizing) so I won't apologize for that. But I owe y'all another kind of apology. I am really sorry that I am soooooo bad at keeping up on everyone's blogs and leaving comments. I have been particularly allergic to the Internet lately and my Google Reader is bursting at the seams, but really I've never been very

ALPnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-48514145176523682112011-02-25T08:53:00.000-08:002011-02-25T08:53:26.344-08:00

When D$ was on his epic post-PhD cross-country trip he stopped for a few nights in LA and stayed with my sister. Apparently one of the nights they were out bar-hopping when she made some sad-sack comment about how she is going to be an old maid forever, bla bla bla. D$ told her to shut the f*ck up and stop being so ridiculous. About a week after he got back they had the following text message

ALPnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-12659116370291824752011-02-17T21:33:00.000-08:002011-02-17T21:33:06.093-08:00

I'm so glad that there are people in the world like the one's who made this video. It reminds me that I am not the only person in the world whose desire to have children is fueled in large part by their potential to entertain me and/or freak out other people. My sister is really on the money this week. She sent me this video with the explanation that it reminds her of herself. The resemblance

ALPnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-87579132194407178652011-02-16T21:03:00.000-08:002011-02-16T21:03:59.148-08:00

So you may have guessed that D$'s return to Portland and my total defection from the blog world are at least marginally related. You would be right. Here's a brief update. Having him home is both awesome and infuriating. I'm not gonna lie - at first I was all snuggle-demandy and lovey-dovey-goo-goo and up in D$'s business. There was a lot of face-touching, people. It was serious love time in our

ALPnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-65573432228516910092011-02-07T21:48:00.000-08:002011-02-07T21:48:58.546-08:00

Cats are natural manicurists. Cats are one source of ringworm infection. By the one and only Rich (discovered when my sister posted it for my other sister on Facebook. The women in my family really enjoy cats and creepiness)

ALPnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-31848739757175487112011-02-01T20:36:00.000-08:002011-02-01T20:36:29.137-08:00

If you're like me, you like to read and you like the smart womenfolk.  Well have I got a deal for you.  The wonderful woman behind Jehara - a smart female blogger and supportive commenter extraordinaire - launched her group book blog today. It's called Quirky Girls Read. The site will feature regular posts by another set of smart female bloggers, all talking about books they've recently read.  Go

ALPnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-2488860057860207082011-01-30T13:58:00.000-08:002011-01-30T13:58:51.065-08:00

Friday night I spent the afternoon at the hospital with lil' nephew and company. Then my 15 year-old niece came over for a sleepover. She tried on my clothes and we watched Shag - a girly classic in my group of friends. Last night, after cleaning all day (see below for why) I spent the night at the hospital so lil' nephew's parents could go home and get some sleep. Lil' nephew got mad at me for

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-18903959580841231352011-01-27T22:12:00.000-08:002011-01-27T22:12:48.689-08:00

(Apparently I skipped right past Part 2 in this series, so I'm going back and adding in 2 now. That's right, I don't need your "chronology" or your "proper order." I'm a free woman.) Pay attention to the kitties. If you do not pay attention to the kitties they will yowl for an hour and half while you try to fall asleep. Then they will wake you up by puking on your bed. Twice. (Related to 1) Do

ALPnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-63462188153715097772011-01-24T21:10:00.000-08:002011-01-24T21:14:43.510-08:00

Today, four days before the one-year anniversary of The Great Fuck-You, my step-dad was offered a job. A job that pays well enough (although still way less than he made before). A job he actually wants. We went out to eat tonight to look over the offer (yes I brought my negotiating book). My step-dad was so happy. My mom was so happy. I even let them pay for dinner and didn't have an internal

ALPnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-8248216952938666872011-01-23T14:43:00.000-08:002011-01-23T14:43:35.073-08:00

It probably hasn't escaped you that I was not with D$ for his dissertation defense nor his becoming-a-doctorness. In fact I was halfway across the country and not even at my desk to receive his excited phone call. This is clearly shitty-partner fodder, right? Maybe, maybe not. I really, really wanted to go to Minnesota for D$'s defense, but it was D$ who basically insisted that I not go. Here's

ALPnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-74886845770326399892011-01-20T23:42:00.000-08:002011-01-20T23:42:15.345-08:00

For the love of all that is Holy, do not go see Mark Wahlberg movies when you are at the height of your lonely-wife horniness.  It hurts me, the lust Sure, The Fighter is a good movie, but I'd watch a half-naked Mark Wahlberg read the dictionary and still need a cold shower afterwards. P.S. Mark, if you're reading: I know you're married and all, but - I'm just gonna throw this out there -

ALPnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-68363603403101157262011-01-13T19:08:00.000-08:002011-01-13T19:08:01.531-08:00

D$ is now Dr. D$. D passed his dissertation defense today and received his PhD. I wasn't there to see it (and won't get to kiss his face congrats until the end of the month) but goddamn am I proud of that man.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-68139390722442586682011-01-12T22:15:00.000-08:002011-01-12T22:15:37.811-08:00

I look way happier than this You guys. In the last 24 hours I have been given (and have eaten all or part of) five free pieces of cake. All different kinds! Not all in the same occasion, either. And not even really for an occasion at all! Do you think I've used up my entire life's luck in one day?

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-7527099209418978592011-01-10T06:00:00.000-08:002011-01-10T06:00:08.262-08:00

I'm sorry Olivia, it's just that you make me so afraid No watching Law & Order: SVU before bedtime. Or ever.  At least one meal a day must include three or more ingredients. It is perfectly acceptable to eat the same three ingredient meal four days in a row, if said meal was made in bulk, in advance, for that purpose and if said meal includes vegetables and a normal

ALPnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-70989656107092102322011-01-09T21:53:00.000-08:002011-01-09T21:53:27.267-08:00

Okay, I think my sad-sackery is done for now. This morning I woke up, put on my big-girl pants, and went back up to my mom's house to spend a little more time with my brother.  It went fine. I exercised. I just got home from having sushi and wine with a dear friend who was in town to visit and who happens to have had leukemia when she was 3 1/2 (until she was 6). The girl knows from cancer and

ALPnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-86532623329566168832011-01-09T00:03:00.000-08:002011-01-09T00:03:27.623-08:00

Oh god. I just had a silent mini-panic attack and fled my parents' house. We were all gathered there to spend time with my nephew. Another brother flew in from California last night to be supportive and spend a few days with us. He is staying with my parents and my nephew's family's house is fairly small so it made the most sense for everyone to gather there. What's stupid is that it was  

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-1982665969814121352011-01-07T22:03:00.000-08:002011-01-07T22:03:02.099-08:00

Tonight I am supposed to be in Seattle, drinking copious amounts of cheap beer and karaoke-ing "Birthday Sex" for my best friend. Instead I am collapsing at home after 9 hours in the children's surgery ward of the local hospital. On Tuesday, doctors found a huge tumor in the abdominal cavity of my 12 year-old nephew's stomach. Thursday night they discovered enlarged lymph-nodes in his body, and

ALPnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-86688420807570704162011-01-06T19:01:00.001-08:002011-01-06T19:23:59.565-08:00

via On Sunday, D$ left for a month-long road trip. He drove to Minnesota to prepare for and defend his dissertation (!!!) and then is driving South to visit family in several places, then across to Cali and back up home to me. We've spent a lot of time apart during our relationship so this month doesn't bother me too much. If anything, I am glad to have some time to myself after almost a month

ALPnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-5058528508335073492011-01-03T21:06:00.000-08:002011-01-03T21:06:00.856-08:00

Collard Greens for Good Fortune Black Eyed Peas for Prosperity Cornbread for Good Luck (note: not my recipe, which is better) For several years now D and I have been making this meal on New Years Day; in the South where we both have roots it is said to bring good luck for the new year. We've had pretty good luck these last years and there's no way I'm messing with a formula that works. This

ALPnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-71385419886161719662010-12-22T06:00:00.000-08:002010-12-22T06:00:13.252-08:00

source ...and sometimes you flood the bathroom when you leave the sink on and walk away while attempting to hand wash your sweaters. Shit. I was so goddamn proud of myself for actually washing my sweaters.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-86304041959179984512010-12-20T06:00:00.000-08:002010-12-20T06:00:00.157-08:00

So...yesterday morning when I published that last post I was finally enraged and confused enough by how skinny my blog was on the computer screen to see if I could change it. Turns out blogger has templates? Whaaa??  Thank you, Blogger for probably having 12-year old computer geniuses locked up in a basement somewhere reading hipster home design blogs all day. Thank you for having those 12

ALPnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-78048029418069161482010-12-19T12:22:00.000-08:002010-12-19T12:22:31.635-08:00

Did you know that they make Charlie Brown Christmas Trees in XL? Apparently when you actually get your tree from the woods it doesn't look like the trees on the tree farms. Yes, this was news to me. Oh, I'm sorry. Did you expect me to do something more productive than cuddling this month? You'll have to wait on that.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-3072829113517590732010-12-06T08:30:00.000-08:002010-12-06T08:30:01.712-08:00

Fashion the Grouch D$ is defending his dissertation in January. This means that, starting about a week ago, he has been deep in the throes of Physics Brain 24-hours a day. He works all day, thinks about work all evening, and several nights this week has ended up sleeping on the couch because he can't stop tossing and turning and thinking about physics during the night. Now it is clearly my

ALPnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-82398144418687886612010-12-03T08:00:00.000-08:002010-12-03T08:00:01.290-08:00

Over a year after breaking our old one while on our honeymoon, D$ and I have (gasp!) purchased a new camera. This is part of the reason we were over budget last month (although mostly we just like to tell ourselves that). It was also our Christmas present to ourselves. It is just a fancy point-and-shoot - we can't afford (and don't deserve since neither one of us knows jack about photography) a

ALPnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-22507702966069502932010-12-01T19:47:00.000-08:002010-12-02T05:36:25.479-08:00

Where There's Smoke, There's Fire D and I went over last month's spending on Sunday (without fighting!). We overspent on gifts, booze groceries, clothing, and "beauty"*. We underspent on paying our credit cards, household supplies (read: mopping solution) and almost everything else. What can I say? We luuuuv the finer things, dah-link. *This is because I forgot to tell D that we need to

ALPnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-81334606412179970472010-11-28T22:24:00.000-08:002010-11-28T22:24:29.447-08:00

I have eaten the plums that were in  the icebox and which you were probably saving  for breakfast Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so cold.          When D I first started dating, before we started sleeping together, I went to the local Planned Parenthood to get a birth control prescription and a fresh round of STD tests. When I went back to get my HIV test results* D drove me

ALPnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-9376636365581277252010-11-18T20:42:00.000-08:002010-11-18T20:42:11.398-08:00

From Not So Humble Pie The trait I hate most about myself - a trait that has reared its head once again today - is that I have a hard time not being bitter about other people's success. Wait, let me say this honestly - I am bitter about other people's success. Let's say a nice couple about my age on House Hunters is looking for a $450,000 house and has a $80,000 down payment. I immediately

ALPnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-82607354475075873642010-11-11T10:54:00.000-08:002010-11-11T10:54:22.132-08:00

I went to get a massage this weekend (a gift from my step-mom who is a magical human being). The masseuse is a friend of my sister and since I felt weird about being nekkid around a friend-of-a-friend I asked her to concentrate on my head and shoulders, since that is where I hold my stress. About halfway through the massage I mentioned off-hand, "Oh yea - I think I clench my teeth pretty badly

ALPnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-13975898158085615652010-11-05T19:17:00.000-07:002010-11-05T19:17:12.771-07:00

I'm on my own for the weekend - D$ is driving up to Washington to see a friend and I elected to stay home. Although I didn't really mean for this to happen I have planned a very stereotypically "girly" Saturday: massage-getting, face-waxing and shopping. But that isn't even the reason I am writing this post. Nope, I am writing this post to tell you how Katy Perry (who I sorta hate) transformed

ALPnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-14858638509926710532010-11-04T23:14:00.000-07:002010-11-04T23:14:27.129-07:00

I think this might be the last time I apologize for my disappearances from the internet and the total irregularity of my posts. Let's face it: the only things I do regularly are eat, sleep, shit (thank GOD) and worry excessively. Love me, love my blog-slackerness. Still, I figured I owe you at least a short list of reasons why my internet presence has been lamer than the GOP takeover (amiright?)

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-41835995314945289742010-11-01T20:59:00.000-07:002010-11-01T20:59:05.533-07:00

I'm not saying which one...but I might be in one of these photos. p.s. Happy belated Halloween!

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-90317614042015459522010-10-22T15:40:00.000-07:002010-10-22T15:40:59.088-07:00

The day before the housewarming party D and I had a huge fight. What started the fight was of course not really what the fight was about. At all. A small stupid incident set us both off and turned into a day-long battle - interspersed with us getting along for a few hours - that ended up with D storming out of the house and me furiously cleaning the bathroom while muttering to myself. The fight

ALPnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-74878833113955250952010-10-12T06:00:00.000-07:002010-10-12T06:00:07.675-07:00

via The housewarming party was a success. My mom, D and I spent all day preparing. Went I went to pick my mom up from her house she had three five-gallon buckets full of flowers from her garden and she spent an hour filling our apartment with multi-colored dahlias in gravity defying bouquets. She even put a tea-cup full of awkward teenage-looking flower buds in the bathroom.* D$ spelled our last

ALPnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-37056109407508178422010-10-11T20:15:00.000-07:002010-10-11T20:15:35.115-07:00

D$: What are you doing, honey? MWK: Commenting on people's blogs. D$: Would you like to comment on my blog? MWK: You don't have a - D$ (hurls): BBLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGG (pause) MWK: That was a very nice blog.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-58250190920564300452010-10-08T10:58:00.000-07:002010-10-08T10:58:49.556-07:00

Mariah Carey's Closet The housewarming party is tomorrow and are pitifully unprepared. Laundry is piled on the couch, we have NO food or booze and it looks like someone threw up all over our kitchen cabinets. What I am doing today, my day off before the party? Going to the gym, the doctor, and the hair-cutting lady (thank god for that, my hair has been particularly heinous for the last several

ALPnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-91856030594868140122010-10-02T10:42:00.000-07:002010-10-02T10:42:36.356-07:00

D$ and I are having a housewarming party next weekend, and today we are cleaning the carpets (an exciting life, I know). We were discussing whether or not we wanted to move the bookshelves* in order to clean and had the following conversation: MWK: Do you want to take the Star Trek Encyclopedia off of the main bookshelf for when we have people over? D$: No, I'm totally comfortable with it

ALPnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-84037556912372190122010-09-28T09:00:00.000-07:002010-09-28T09:00:05.519-07:00

Name: Gomez Genesis of Name: Wears dapper suit Loves ladies' laps Did not shit on self immediately upon arrival at MWK household; was therefore erroneously thought to be handsomer of two cats Skills:Spot-on impression of Cindy Crawford if Cindy Crawford were a wet rat Enjoys:Empty paper bags/boxes/suitcases/drawers/tupperware containers Endlessly yowling for no reason (preferably in the

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-75908031188968091512010-09-27T09:00:00.000-07:002010-09-27T09:00:05.533-07:00

Name: Uncle Fester Genesis of name: Immediately shat on self upon arrival at the MWK household (see "skills," below) Is fatter of the two cats Would probably look good with a bald head Skills: Standing on one leg to poop: Enjoys: Laser light shows Getting on highest apparatus in room and staring creepily into space Women's hair products Perversion of choice:

ALPnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-3687744252284379162010-09-23T20:28:00.001-07:002010-09-23T20:32:45.712-07:00

There's meh boys. They are named after the Addams brothers and have perversions to match. I let them know that the people of the Internet wanted to meet them so they are busily preparing their online profiles.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-7139638465148314692010-09-19T19:32:00.000-07:002010-09-19T19:38:53.589-07:00

Image via (you KNOW my couch is cuter than that)I was completely useless this weekend. It felt so good. I would like to state for the record that there is nothing wrong with going to a really early dinner and then coming home to watch 6-7 episodes of True Blood without stopping. This is perfectly acceptable Friday Night Behavior and does not make one (and/or one's husband) lame at all.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-91603421487724086272010-09-16T21:18:00.000-07:002010-09-16T21:26:24.516-07:00

A friend posted this photo on my facebook wall. I have no idea where it is from (or why she posted it)Dudes, I just noticed that today is my blogaversary.I am feeling sorta down on this blog and was just working on a long, heartfelt piece about how I am not sure what I am doing with it - my insecurities (mainly around the stupid fucking name), how I never write about marriage (and I'm not sure

ALPnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-28929721127021780862010-09-15T20:08:00.000-07:002010-09-15T20:36:07.838-07:00

Ricardo is adorable and small and unironically wears normal, run of the mill sweatpants. You know, like the kind your dorky best guy friend wore for a year too long in middle school. I think I might like him. The manager didn't do much for me - I ended up getting $50 off the fees but for some reason she made me work with the same Dishonest Sales Guy to do that. This was lame because I was trying

ALPnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-35570177653894028462010-09-10T09:17:00.000-07:002010-09-10T09:17:00.426-07:00

It is 12:45 in the afternoon on a Friday. I throw on a skirt and top, haul my bag over my shoulder and kiss D$ goodbye. Outside it is 85 degrees with no humidity. I slip the mix CD C made me in college into the stereo. As I pull out of the parking spot the first song comes on, a song I had almost forgotten about, and a smile breaks across my face. I speed down the street, fingers drumming the

ALPnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-38489925309018660112010-09-08T20:22:00.001-07:002010-09-08T20:47:51.058-07:00

So I did it - I signed up for the personal trainer thingy. Unfortunately I am now feeling bad about it because it did NOT go as planned.Buoyed by all of your comments and encouragement I was planning on waltzing into that gym and saying, "Yes, please!" Unfortunately I forgot that the minute I enter the gym and have to actually talk to a Fitness Person I transform from "Competent and Assertive"

ALPnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-37962383522709599462010-09-07T09:36:00.000-07:002010-09-07T09:36:00.107-07:00

MWK: So I was thinking of hanging that photo of us - the one from the wedding? - right there (points to spot in bedroom).D$: What photo? MWK: The one of the two of us, from the wedding. From the first dance. D$: What? MWK: The one that hung up in our living room in our old place? D$: SilenceMWK (for some reason thinking that repeating herself will do the trick): The one of us from the wedding? We

ALPnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-25605359173707094012010-09-05T09:00:00.000-07:002010-09-05T09:00:00.546-07:00

NOT what my fitness-guy looks like. I mean, look at this asshole. Question:Is it totally self-indulgent and stupid to pay $40 a month on top of my (to be fair, very reasonable) gym fee to have a nice and not scarily-muscular man act as my personal trainer once a month? He would make me a program that I could do three days a week and then one day a month he would do the program with me (and I

ALPnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-38502900645558165882010-09-04T09:17:00.000-07:002010-09-04T09:26:19.210-07:00

Listen. If you are ever kidnapped by an evil man who collects rare objects, and you happen to be kidnapped alongside an android with lightning-quick reflexes, and you use the number of the collector's safe, that you have memorized. to steal the collectors illegally-obtained body-destroying gun so that you and the android with the lighting-quick reflexes can try to escape...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,

ALPnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-89143982661452827282010-09-01T18:50:00.000-07:002010-09-01T18:57:43.278-07:00

Seriously, someone: buy me a smart phone. Or a camera.D and I arrived home to find this on our doorstep. It is from G and her new hubbie, to say congrats on the job* and on putting down roots in Portland.It is so freaking unbelievable to have friends who always know just the perfect thing. Incroyable, ma petite chou-chou. Incroyable. *Turns out there are *totes* benefits to your friends finding

ALPnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-88451253432843941042010-08-30T19:25:00.001-07:002010-08-30T19:49:18.991-07:00

Photo taken by my brother's friend on the 200+ mile bike race they just did (freaks). Today D was offered, and accepted*, a job at the Large Corporation where he has been an intern all summer. The job starts in March, giving him just enough time to finish his PhD before he starts. After a year of planning and hoping and trying not to hope - of fighting and crying and losing sleep and trying,

ALPnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5319750176273507906.post-33057901176016403562010-08-26T20:07:00.001-07:002010-08-26T20:08:09.351-07:00

I am alone in my apartment.I am going to lay down on my couch.I am going to read a book. Yeeesssssssss.

ALPnoreply@blogger.com2