Saturday, February 13, 2010

Okay, only sometimes am I an awesome wife

I'm starting this without not really knowing where things are going, so bear with me.

Life as been a little tough at our house in the last few weeks. Both of us are stressed out. D$ is looking for jobs and trying to figure out if he should graduate, I am working and schooling and job searching. And all of this without knowing where we are supposed to be looking for work. I've applied for awesome jobs in D.C., where neither one of us wants to live, simply because they were too good not to try for. D$ is this close to getting a paid internship in my hometown for the summer but neither one of us can even think about it for fear of ruining things, and even then it would only solve half of our problems. And then there is all the stuff with my parents, which is sort of a dark cloud that we don't talk about (except when I am editing my step-dad's resume or cover letter which I don't mind saying is not at all fun).

As a result, we've both receded a little into our own spaces. To be clear: I think it is okay for us to recede a little - we both need to work through some of this on our own and I know it is important for us to have our own space and handle things in our own way. But the flip side of this situation is that our tempers have also been short. I want attention and affection and I interpret his video-game playing (which is part of how he recedes and relaxes) as avoidance and ignoring me. This makes me grumpy, which of course makes attention and affection difficult. Which makes me grumpier and him confused and grumpy. And so it goes.

I'm not saying the situation is dire: last weekend we spent almost the whole weekend together and had wonderful evenings on both Friday and Saturday (including a really nice date on Saturday night). But we are both on edge and it seems to take way less than normal for one of us to snap at the other or get offended by something that would normally make us laugh.

I'm not saying that we're in any kind of trouble. D$ will be home from rehearsal soon* and I'm pretty sure we'll snuggle on the couch and maybe have sex and things will be just fine. We'll go to dinner with friends and come home and probably catch up on the episode of Project Runway we missed and all will be well.

But I'm feeling a little wistful: the stress of jobs and parents and school and work isn't going away anytime soon. I'm worried about the need for solitude and the short tempers and -

well I guess I'm just saying I'm not sure what to do about it.

*D$ is in a sketch comedy group. Yes - physics and sketch comedy. What?


  1. MWK - it's ok. After all of the reading of wedding/marriage blogs and happy marriages that seem like perfect partnerships at all times, I sometimes lose sight of the fact that sometimes life stinks and sometimes we handle the stink in ways that aren't nice. And sometimes we aren't nice to each other. And while that sucks, it is real.

    I think being good to yourself, and letting your husband do what he needs to be good to himself - and reminding yourself that his actions are just that - is sometimes all you can do. And then try to remember to be nice to each other.

    You're in the middle of a lot of big changes, some that are totally out of your control, and it seems to me that you're doing what you can. Keep calm and carry on, as they say. Move forward, and act with love. That's my 2 cents.

  2. @Newly Mrs S - Thanks. I've had anxiety about that post since I put it up since most of the blogs DO focus on the awesome aspects of marriage - as much as we are all trying to be honest and thoughtful it is still scary to post about the not-so-awesome times. But: "Move forward, and act with love." That makes sense.

  3. I'm glad you're brave. I often feel like I'm the only one posting about fights or the oh-god-why-did-I-ever-get-married moments. Not that you're talking about those moments, but you know what I mean.

    There are ups and downs. Perhaps recognizing that is the best way to remember it's going to be fine. Hope things settle down for both of you soon. Uncertainty sucks.

  4. MWK, marriage is a bed of roses... thorns and all. And uncertainty is a bitch. But this too shall pass, and like newly Mrs S said, just keep thinking and acting with love.