Sunday, January 30, 2011

From family to family

Friday night I spent the afternoon at the hospital with lil' nephew and company. Then my 15 year-old niece came over for a sleepover. She tried on my clothes and we watched Shag - a girly classic in my group of friends.

Last night, after cleaning all day (see below for why) I spent the night at the hospital so lil' nephew's parents could go home and get some sleep. Lil' nephew got mad at me for waking him up every hour to pee, but other than that it was uneventful.

That is one kind of family, and I'm glad to have them.


D$ gets home in about an hour. The house is clean. I washed D$'s towel, cleaned the bathroom and did my hair. There is a roast in the crockpot and I made a chocolate cake from scratch.

Clearly, I am excited for my other, smaller and newer-to-me family to be intact again.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Rules for being Home Alone, Part 2

(Apparently I skipped right past Part 2 in this series, so I'm going back and adding in 2 now. That's right, I don't need your "chronology" or your "proper order." I'm a free woman.)

  1. Pay attention to the kitties. If you do not pay attention to the kitties they will yowl for an hour and half while you try to fall asleep. Then they will wake you up by puking on your bed. Twice.

  2. (Related to 1) Do not kill the kitties. If you kill the kitties your husband will not love you anymore and you will go to jail.

I've been repeating number 2 more as a mantra than a rule...

Monday, January 24, 2011

Life is so strange (and sometimes wonderful)

Today, four days before the one-year anniversary of The Great Fuck-You, my step-dad was offered a job. A job that pays well enough (although still way less than he made before). A job he actually wants.

We went out to eat tonight to look over the offer (yes I brought my negotiating book).

My step-dad was so happy. My mom was so happy.

I even let them pay for dinner and didn't have an internal struggle or panic attack or anything.*

Even in the midst of difficult things, my dears. Good shit can happen.

*Okay, I had a little internal struggle. I got over it. 

Sunday, January 23, 2011

On not being there

It probably hasn't escaped you that I was not with D$ for his dissertation defense nor his becoming-a-doctorness. In fact I was halfway across the country and not even at my desk to receive his excited phone call. This is clearly shitty-partner fodder, right? Maybe, maybe not.

I really, really wanted to go to Minnesota for D$'s defense, but it was D$ who basically insisted that I not go.

Here's how I felt about it: Getting your PhD is a huge fucking deal and something that one's spouse should be around for. D worked his ass off, supported me in my endeavors and got his PhD and got a job in my hometown. Oh, and he's 26 years old.* So it was important to me that I be there for him and show my support.

D$'s opinion was more like this: He was not happy in his PhD program. He is mostly just happy to be done, and I wouldn't understand his defense anyway.** He knows I support him and would much rather save the money on a plane ticket for the two of us to go on vacation somewhere.

D$ won out because it was his achievement and his choice.*** We left it at that. Then, the night before he left, balking at the prospect of spending a month apart, D said he wanted me to come to Minnesota after all. I avoided the urge to hit him over the head with a pillow and scream i fucking told you so why wouldn't you let me buy a ticket when they were cheap aradsfasdfasdfoasidgasd!!  At that point it was too late as tickets were too expensive.

So I wasn't there. I am also not there as he visits his family across the south and mourns the death of his grandmother. I am not there as he drives across the country tomorrow, and I will not be there when he visits his sister in California.

I am missing a lot of things this month. I know it was his choice. I know that D$ does things on his own and always has. I also know that it still stinks.

*I know, a baby. He will be 27 soon, but still. I am 28. Also, fun fact: Einstein got his PhD at 26!
**That is totally true. 
***I was also sort of worried that if I went then I would somehow make the event about me, which I really, really didn't want do to. 

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Rules for being Home Alone, Part 3

For the love of all that is Holy, do not go see Mark Wahlberg movies when you are at the height of your lonely-wife horniness. 

It hurts me, the lust

Sure, The Fighter is a good movie, but I'd watch a half-naked Mark Wahlberg read the dictionary and still need a cold shower afterwards.

P.S. Mark, if you're reading: I know you're married and all, but - I'm just gonna throw this out there - my bed is empty for the next two weeks.You're in my top 5 so I wouldn't even get in trouble. Call me. Wear your fireman boots from I Heart Huckabees.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Paging Dr. D

D$ is now Dr. D$.

D passed his dissertation defense today and received his PhD.

I wasn't there to see it (and won't get to kiss his face congrats until the end of the month) but goddamn am I proud of that man.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Wednesday Dessert Update

I look way happier than this

You guys.

In the last 24 hours I have been given (and have eaten all or part of) five free pieces of cake.

All different kinds! Not all in the same occasion, either. And not even really for an occasion at all!

Do you think I've used up my entire life's luck in one day?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Rules for being Home Alone, Part 1

I'm sorry Olivia, it's just that you make me so afraid

  1. No watching Law & Order: SVU before bedtime. Or ever. 

  2. At least one meal a day must include three or more ingredients.

  3. It is perfectly acceptable to eat the same three ingredient meal four days in a row, if said meal was made in bulk, in advance, for that purpose and if said meal includes vegetables and a normal form of protein (read: not a block of cheese)

Sunday, January 9, 2011

and I'm back

Okay, I think my sad-sackery is done for now.

This morning I woke up, put on my big-girl pants, and went back up to my mom's house to spend a little more time with my brother.  It went fine.

I exercised. I just got home from having sushi and wine with a dear friend who was in town to visit and who happens to have had leukemia when she was 3 1/2 (until she was 6). The girl knows from cancer and has always been able to make me feel better about just about anything.

My apartment is clean. I have food cooked for the week. It's gonna be all right.

Get me out of here

Oh god. I just had a silent mini-panic attack and fled my parents' house.

We were all gathered there to spend time with my nephew. Another brother flew in from California last night to be supportive and spend a few days with us. He is staying with my parents and my nephew's family's house is fairly small so it made the most sense for everyone to gather there.

What's stupid is that it was  mostly a really nice day. Nephew is doing well, and it is nice to spend time with my brother and his wife and get to know Teenage Nieces a little better. The panic didn't set in until the last two hours or so.

The root of the panic likely lies in the simple fact that it was day two of "sitting around all day and trying not to think about Nephew's potential cancer." I do not do well without activities.

The intensification of the panic came from the pairing of "nephew-cancer panic" with "parent money panic," which is an old and well-known panic that lies just below the surface of my being.

This fun pairing of panics began when my brothers and nieces all started trying to convince my step-dad that he should get an iPhone or iPod or MP3 player. You know, my step-dad who does not HAVE A JOB and who is BAD ABOUT SPENDING MONEY HE DOESN'T HAVE. I had a really hard time not screaming at everyone to SHUT UP or saying something to my step-dad that would have hurt his pride.

I think I could have recovered, but after Nephew's family went home the conversation turned to my parents' year-long battle to get the house loan re-modified  After a few minutes I realized that my stomach was clenched, my shoulders were arched, and I couldn't sit still in my seat. I wanted to stay and hang out with my brother but I had to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. So I did. I made up an excuse about the roads getting icy (although I didn't really make that up as I was worried about that) and left as quickly as I could.

Now I am home. Drinking a beer, writing this, and waiting for my shoulders to relax.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Oh HELL naw

Tonight I am supposed to be in Seattle, drinking copious amounts of cheap beer and karaoke-ing "Birthday Sex" for my best friend.

Instead I am collapsing at home after 9 hours in the children's surgery ward of the local hospital.

On Tuesday, doctors found a huge tumor in the abdominal cavity of my 12 year-old nephew's stomach. Thursday night they discovered enlarged lymph-nodes in his body, and his sisters and I lay on the hospital bed with him while he played video games and got a blood transfusion.

Today, after three separate surgical procedures (and a barrage of tests that we don't have the answers to yet) the doctors unofficially confirmed their initial guess of lymphoma.

Hey, Cancer: FUCK. YOU.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Home Alone

On Sunday, D$ left for a month-long road trip. He drove to Minnesota to prepare for and defend his dissertation (!!!) and then is driving South to visit family in several places, then across to Cali and back up home to me.

We've spent a lot of time apart during our relationship so this month doesn't bother me too much. If anything, I am glad to have some time to myself after almost a month straight of people staying with us. The goodbye is worse than absence -  we've barely spoken since he left since we've both been busy, and that's sorta how we roll when on different sides of the country. I will say that D$ is usually more upset when we are apart then I and this time was no exception - the night before he left he was all morose and adorable while I was all-business and trying to get the car packed.

Don't get me wrong, I will miss him. I've had a particularly shitty week and  spent all day being bummed that he wouldn't be home when I got back from work. Plus, I have to figure out how to feed myself for an entire month and am solely responsible for all kitty-litter, dishes, and other cleaning. But there are definitely upsides, not the least being that I get to sleep with the covers tucked in exactly the way I like for an entire month.* I have also told myself that I will go to the gym a lot and get lots of errands done.**

At the very least he will not be there to make fun of me when I'm porky piggin' it around the house.

* The night before he as we were getting into bed a look of glee came over my face as I realized this. I breathlessly told him, "You know what I'm going to do tomorrow? Wash the sheets and tuck them in JUST THE WAY I LIKE. He was not happy that that was my main feeling about his departure. 
**I am already behind on the list of things. I didn't make it one day. 

Monday, January 3, 2011

My Southern Superstitious Wish for you

(note: not my recipe, which is better)

For several years now D and I have been making this meal on New Years Day; in the South where we both have roots it is said to bring good luck for the new year. We've had pretty good luck these last years and there's no way I'm messing with a formula that works. This year we got to enjoy the meal with my brother, who arrived to eat it just in time after an, um..."overnight stay" at an old girlfriend's house (clearly he doesn't need any more luck). 

I know I'm a few days late, but I wish you all good fortune, prosperity, luck, health, joy and solace in the year to come. 

I'll be back here on the regular in a few days.