In Spite of Ourselves

Honey, we're the big door prize.

Happy anniversary, baby.

*Oh, did I forget to mention that I have a huge ass? I have a huge ass. I really, really like it.

Oh, you

Thank you for all of the comments on the last post. They actually really helped and made me teary I was so grateful.

Things are going much, much better. Moving day was actually fun and uplifting* - except for one scary-yelly moment when we realized that we had taken a big chunk out of our (lovely, gorgeous) door-jamb because we refused to admit that our boxspring simply wouldn't fit up the 1900-era staircase into our bedroom. Have I mentioned that our new apartment is amazing? And that a boxspring that splits into two parts so as to fit up the stairs is a) totally affordable and b) available from the mattress store that is two blocks form our house? We recovered quickly. Presently, the only concern in our marriage is that D$ has started sleeping with someone from Comcast because he somehow arranged for us to get internet almost two weeks before they said we could have it.

Now that the worst has passed (hopefully) I am tempted to let myself get caught up in the clutter of unpacking and not write about the last month. I am going to try and resist that urge as much as possible, because (as you wise women all said in the comments) writing about it is important and will help me to keep myself honest and to learn about what the eff happened.But - But! This weekend we visit Seattle for a friend's engagement party and Sunday is our anniversary. I am going to let myself enjoy my new space with my sweetie for the next few days, relax on my trip, and then I'll be back to examine the cockles of my poor, twisted, heart.

In other news: I think I am almost done with my wedding graduate post for APW. I figured I should submit it before the one-year anniversary passes by, no?

Take care, y'all,

MWK

*I know! This sounds like a total lie because moving is hell. But most of our stuff was still in boxes in storage and my parents were SUPER excited and helpful...and I had stocked the fridge in our new apartment with nice beer and Diet Cherry Coke. We had everything moved in by 1:00 in the afternoon, I kid you not.

Edward Munch painting from here.

Things are tough all over

I have been writing a post in in my head for days now in an attempt to sort through what has been a terrible month for me. Nothing seriously bad happened but I have surprised and frightened myself by the dark mood I have been in for the last month and the completely unacceptable way that I have treated the people around me (mainly D).

I need to get it out...but tonight is apparently not the night. D and I are getting along for the first time in a few days (more on that later), and I need to go snuggle under his arm before I head to sleep. The thing is, we move into our new apartment tomorrow morning and it looks like we won't have internet for two weeks. This totally slays me because I want to use this space to write about the past month, and I know that I really need to write about it. One of the things adding to my apparently black-heart and forked tongue is the fact that I haven't had a moment to myself since we arrived in Oregon. I have been yearning to get back to this space, to share a little of what I have been going through and attempt to make sense of it.

I am going to try to write a little off-line (what a concept) and utilize coffee-shop internet to post. If I don't get that done than I will absolutely, definitely, no-question-about-it be back in two weeks. Just in time to tell you all how it feels to be in the roughest patch of your relationship with your partner when are just two weeks shy of your first wedding anniversary. (Spoiler alert: it does not feel awesome).