Tuesday, May 3, 2011


Things are on the up and up around here, with only a few detours sideways or backwards.

The night before I left for Vegas we had another big fight, but this one ended better (hint: with both of us in the same bed). In the morning we were fragile but friendly again.

Since I got back we've been different. Better. D$ brought me a sandwich when he picked me up from the airport from Vegas. (This is a tradition between us and I really should expect it but it makes me gloriously happy every time. You can get flowers if you want, but goddamn if I don't like getting a sandwich from a handsome man when I step off an airplane). On the way home I could tell that he had missed me - like really missed me - despite the fact that he'd been boozing it up with his best friend while I'd been gone. This was a relief, because my biggest fear this whole time was that I'd drive him away. I'd missed him too, despite any evidence to the contrary.

Since then we've been talking (quietly, for the most part).  We've been considering. Considering each other, considering our actions, considering how we affect each other (and also considering what we will eat next but that last one is par for the course for us). D$ has been crazy affectionate and I have crazy-loved it. We've had one biggish fight but it ended in talking things out that same night (a new thing for us). I have been working really hard to be pleasant and present when I'm home* and so far it seems to be working.

We still have a lot of work to do of course. I can't seem to find a damn psychologist who works on Fridays and have gotten tired of using all of my breaks from work walking around outside trying to avoid a coworker hearing me make phone calls about seeing a therapist, so I still haven't seen anyone. I'll take another totally-subjective look at the list provided by my insurance later this week and try again.

So. Up and Up. Shedding dead needles and moving towards the sun.**

Oh! I also pick up my Nightguard on Thursday (only 6 months later). Fie on you, jaw pain!

*Sadly, this is one reason that I haven't been around here much - it is hard to be pleasant and present in the two hours I have between work and bed and get any writing done. This balance still needs to be struck because I don't want to abandon the blog and I just lost another follower! Grrr. **As in: sun, if you don't come out I am going to lose my goddamn mind. Spring! I need you!


  1. I hate losing followers. I also am insanely jealous of people who write about boogers and have millions of followers. Hey, I could write about boogers, too, but...

    So, anyway... same bed, huh? ;) Glad there is an upswing, yo. Just 'cause I'm creepy, I've been hoping things are re-aligning themselves in your life.

  2. Glad things are up on the up and up. I love that sandwich tradition, for the record.

  3. I'm a long time lurker (I found your blog through your wedding grad post on APW), and I just wanted to let you know I love your writing and your voice. Good to hear that thinks are getting better, and I hope the sun visits soon.

  4. Glad to hear things are going better. No relationship is perfect, but it sounds like both of you are really committed to making it better. Good luck, and I hope you find a therapist who fits your schedule soon!

  5. Glad things are a bit better. Nice sandwich story. :)

  6. I'm sorry to post again here, but the comment verification on that last one was "vergboop" which for some reason (that reason possibly being how I'm a class-A nerd) made me laugh.

  7. @Blind Irish Pirate: if you're creepy, I'm creepy.
    @thebluemuse: thanks!
    @hlockhart: Hello and welcome! I love it when lurkers are unveiled. Thanks for the flattery as well. I also love that.
    @Becky: Found a nice woman who can't see me but will take a look at my insurance list and recommend someone. So nice, right?
    @Izzybella: I frequently love the words I have to type out for comment verification, so I feel ya. Not nerdy at ALL (although that probably isn't any solace coming from me)

  8. Wishing that the sun shines on you both, my lovely. Glad that there's a parting in the clouds, at least.