Thursday, March 4, 2010

Self-Care, Schmelf-Care

You know what is really good to do?

Eat a piece of chocolate cake EVERY NIGHT at 9:30 p.m. right before you go to bed. It is even better to use the extra frosting to slather the whole side of the piece, so that no bite is devoid of frosting. This adds extra health factors.

You know what else is really good to do? Sleep in instead of going to the gym three days in a row. And then go out for Jucy Lucy's*, french fries and cheap beer with your husband even though you are so bloated from your lunch that you have to do the "try to fart" dance in the car on the way to the restaurant. (Bonus points for making your husband think you are leaning over to cuddle him when really you are just trying to get your ass higher in the air).

The best thing to do, though, is after all of that to go home and binge-read WPM blog archives until after midnight, resulting in feelings of not-worthiness and another morning where sleeping in wins out over exercise.

Oh - it is also best to do this one week before you have to fly home for a wedding that will be attended by many long-legged sorority girls who will have better outfits than you.

This is guaranteed to put you in a good mood ladies. Guar-an-teed. If by a good mood you mean fat-feeling and self-loathing, that is.

* For those of you not in the Midwest, a Jucy Lucy is a hamburger that is formed around a chunk of cheese. So the hamburger is cheesy from the inside out, resulting in the most delicious, cheesy- oily goodness that man has every created.


  1. Can I just tell you how jealous I am that you live in a place where they call pop by it's correct name?

    It's the one thing that drives me nuts about New England. That and the way they pronounce the word "scallops".

    Also, burger formed around cheese???!?!?!?!?!?!?

  2. Oh no, Wifey Wiferson! We disagree on the pop/soda debate - I am a "soda" girl all the way. But we can still hang out, no worries. And yes, a burger formed around cheese! You have to wait a few minutes to bite into it or the "molten cheese," as they call it, will burn you. Hence the necessity of fries to distract you while you wait. But it is sooo good. Sounds gross, tastes good, will clog your arteries. Sorta the theme of most Midwestern Cuisine, actually.