Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Newsflash: Weekends are awesome*

Guys. I finally figured out how to have weekends.

After our hike D$ and I went out separately with friends. I met up with D$ and his new best-buddy later quite late in the night and let them buy me drinks while they got wasted and happy. The next day D and I lazed around the house and snuggled.

The weekend after that I: went on a long walk with my oldest (as in longest-knowing, not as in grey-haired) friend. Got dressed up in D$'s favorite green dress to go with D$ and the same new best-buddy to a Portland Timbers game. Drank microbrews and screamed cheers about my city. Found myself post-soccer game at a very strange party in a very posh apartment. Ate lots of free expensive cheese. Went out t0 breakfast and watched Bridesmaids with a dear friend. Shook, stomped my feet and laughed until tears rolled down my eyes.**

Then there was last weekend. D$ and I drove from forest to river to desert to visit our friend A in the very small town where he lives. A said you have to approach the town like a Study Abroad experience, and we did. The first night we went to a members-only "business men's club" with a stuffed bison head over the bar. We also went to a bar where - I shit you not - the short, blond, gap-toothed waitress was wearing a Merlotte's t-shirt. In the morning we drove to the Walmart to get bullets, targets and Coors Light (I am absolutely not kidding about this) and then drove out to federal land and I bruised my arm shooting a real-deal Remington shotgun. I hit one target and was damn proud of it. That afternoon we happened upon cheap tickets to the Sasquatch music festival and drank beer in the sun to the tunes of Iron and Wine and Death Cab for Cutie. I learned that MDMA = Ecstasy, and, no, strange young lady, my husband does not have any so please don't ask him again. I also learned that I'm not as curmudgeonly as I thought I was*** but I'm still not so hot about the combination of outhouses + hundreds of drunk people. The next day I hiked in caves and rode on the back of a motorcycle and then D$ drove us home to the kitties and a freezer full of Popsicles.

I did not spend these weekends cleaning**** or doing laundry or grocery shopping. I did not spend these weekends helping my parents or cleaning my car. I did fun things, with my husband and with my friends. And you know what? I didn't die from not being super-ready for the work week.

Have you guys been having weekends like this all along? How did I just figure out that it is okay to have fun on the weekend and not use it for errands and cleaning?

Also, what should I do next weekend? I'm thinking after last-weekend's escapades I should balance it out with a poetry reading, pedicure, maybe an art show.

Oh wait - actually next weekend I'm running my very first-ever 5k (in a costume) and then watching as my husband and my father drunkenly play bass drums in my favorite parade of the year.

Catch me if you can, y'all.

*If my step-brother MK were here he'd take one look at the subject of this post and say (in his best Ace Ventura voice), "Thhhhank you, Captain Obvious!"
**GO SEE THAT MOVIE. RIGHT NOW. Stop reading this post. Go!
***Although I cannot even TELL YOU how much I hated the skinny white girls and boys wearing fake "native American headdress" shit. I seriously wanted to slap them. How in the world do they now know how offensive and weird that is? 
****All right, fine, on Monday I did break down and vacuum the carpets a little and go grocery shopping and get food made for the week. But that was only a few hours of the day and the rest of it was fun, I promise. Plus, D$ helped.


  1. You need to post PICTURES of next weekend. Definitely. ;)

    And at the moment, I'm working for exams and whatnot, so my weekends don't look like these. But I try to, as much as possible. Which is why my house looks like a tip and unmailed parcels are gathering dust on the tabletop. Oh well. Swings and roundabouts.

  2. Love the randomly awesome tee-shirt on your gap-toothed waitress. :)

  3. Yes! Your weekends sound amazing. Heck - any time you run into a Sookie-look-a-like (fun to say), it's considered a total win.

    Good job, chick.

  4. Dude, I need your thoughts on Bridesmaids, STAT. It was the best free movie. Ever.

    And, I dittio agirl - pics, or it didn't happen.

    Good luck running your 5K. I find them so fulfilling.

  5. @everyone:you have no idea how badly I want to post a photo of my shooting a shotgun. I look fucking badass! Alas, you know my policy of not putting my face on the internets.
    @BIP: Dude, I loved Bridesmaids. I totally laughted my ass off and I usually don't laugh out loud at movies. I was definitely in the mood for laughter, so that helped, but I also love Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph (who I served at a restaurant once and she was very nice and VERY soft-spoken). I wished they'd had made the "weird sister" a more conventially hot women who just happened to be a weird-o and not overweight...but then I read Paul Feig said that the part was written without any physical description and when Megan McCarthy was hired she sorta played up the part with physicality, so that made me feel better.

  6. :)

    We normally try to get our jobs done on a Saturday so we can have fun on Saturday night and Sunday.