As background: this is from October 2005. I had just arrived in West Africa where I was to remain for 8-9 months. D$ and I had been dating for less than a year and had decided to be in an "open" relationship while I was gone, but he was coming to visit me for two weeks. Since arriving, I had been telling my host family and most friends that D$ was my fiance so it would be slightly less scandalous when he came to stay with me, and I sported a fake engagement band for most of the trip (until I lost it in the ocean. When I may or may not have been swimming with a person-of-sort-of-romantic-interest). I have NO idea what I am referring to here, but probably something that was said in the weekly 20-minute phone call that constituted all of our non e-mail interaction.
With no further ado, an awkward exerpt of an old email to my now-husband (I was typing on a French keyboard, so forgive the typos, please):
Hey, i'm sorry for teasing you about the ring/engagement thing. Its a weird think to joke about, or at least I think so, so i find myself not really sure what to say. But i dont want you to think that i was being negative for reals, or discouraging or whatever, or too encouraging or any of the above. its just not something I know how to joke about very well, and i dont want to send weird messages. just that i love you tons and plan on doing so for a long time, regardless of jewelry or real/fake engagements.
Heh. I can't believe we were making engagement jokes back then, even though we were fake-engaged for the purposes of seemliness. And I am completely entertained, and sort of horrified, by what a wishy-washy boob I was being. It reminds me of the years after we had moved in together but before we got engaged, when any conversation about the future was hedged in awkward disclaimers.