It probably hasn't escaped you that I was not with D$ for his dissertation defense nor his becoming-a-doctorness. In fact I was halfway across the country and not even at my desk to receive his excited phone call. This is clearly shitty-partner fodder, right? Maybe, maybe not.
I really, really wanted to go to Minnesota for D$'s defense, but it was D$ who basically insisted that I not go.
Here's how I felt about it: Getting your PhD is a huge fucking deal and something that one's spouse should be around for. D worked his ass off, supported me in my endeavors and got his PhD and got a job in my hometown. Oh, and he's 26 years old.* So it was important to me that I be there for him and show my support.
D$'s opinion was more like this: He was not happy in his PhD program. He is mostly just happy to be done, and I wouldn't understand his defense anyway.** He knows I support him and would much rather save the money on a plane ticket for the two of us to go on vacation somewhere.
D$ won out because it was his achievement and his choice.*** We left it at that. Then, the night before he left, balking at the prospect of spending a month apart, D said he wanted me to come to Minnesota after all. I avoided the urge to hit him over the head with a pillow and scream i fucking told you so why wouldn't you let me buy a ticket when they were cheap aradsfasdfasdfoasidgasd!! At that point it was too late as tickets were too expensive.
So I wasn't there. I am also not there as he visits his family across the south and mourns the death of his grandmother. I am not there as he drives across the country tomorrow, and I will not be there when he visits his sister in California.
I am missing a lot of things this month. I know it was his choice. I know that D$ does things on his own and always has. I also know that it still stinks.
*I know, a baby. He will be 27 soon, but still. I am 28. Also, fun fact: Einstein got his PhD at 26!
**That is totally true.
***I was also sort of worried that if I went then I would somehow make the event about me, which I really, really didn't want do to.